i don't  really know what these "journals" are for but i'm just gonna go ahead and write whatever i feel..

i want to be happy.
but who doesn't right? that's the next big thing next to love that a human lives for.
but i'm just wondering when i'm gonna get to feel it..
when is it gonna be my turn..
do you have to find it?  
or does it just come to you like a dream in your sleep?

i couldn't be more lost right now.
its like im drowning in an ocean of hopelessness.
everything i do is wrong, as much as i want to move on or just live.
I cant.
i'm being held down by.. by my thoughts i guess..

am i the problem? do i think too much?
do i need a freaken psychologist?
do i need meds?

fuck

i just don't know what to think..
Ive been hurt by the people that i thought loved me by the people that should care for me..
by the people that i would give my life for! id give anything and everything for them..

why? why must life be this way? why do the people that you love hurt you? why?
is it like a fucken rule of life?

i'm stuck. i need help. i'm drowning...